I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
