i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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