Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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