Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
