You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
