Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
