My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
