Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize