Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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