exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Every concussion has its silver lining
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Randomize
