Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
