I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
