Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
