BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
being pregnant is like rehab
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
