yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
look no pants
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
