i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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