you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize