P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
third nipple confirmed
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
