Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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