I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
