Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
