The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize