This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
