Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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