I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
