You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
