it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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