Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
