You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
