Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
