I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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