I think I can smell my own vagina right now
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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