I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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