i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
