The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
