Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
