I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
