Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
