I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
