Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
