there's paper in my vomit.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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