I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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