Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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