What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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