the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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