Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
