I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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