porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
