I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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