I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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