there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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