Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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