i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
