Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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