I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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