I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
