Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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