I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
