walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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