i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This gyro tastes like lonliness
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
