VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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