Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
