the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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