Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
