The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
