I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
