I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
