I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
