using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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