Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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