Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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