He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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