Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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