I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
