I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
