Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
