I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
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