Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize