hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it hurts more in the daytime
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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