No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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