one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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