I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
