Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
