You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
