I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
