Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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