There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
pray to the hookup gods
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize